


Just in time for tea

by RedDwarfIsALesbian



Category: Red Dwarf
Genre: Cat will show up soon dw, M/M, domestic smeg, r/l implied mostly
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-23
Updated: 2019-06-23
Packaged: 2020-05-16 19:04:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19324231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedDwarfIsALesbian/pseuds/RedDwarfIsALesbian
Summary: Rimmer complains about a disposable styrofoam cup, Lister finds a solution.





	Just in time for tea

Lister stared absently at the kettle's blue light, waiting for the water to boil. Two styrofoam cups waited beside him, each with a teabag loosely placed inside.  
The kettle was another one of Listers "this seemed like a good idea at the time" junk purchases, a souvenir from Ganymede, naturally, the smegging thing had to talk. Much to Rimmer's chagrin.  
He'd placed it on the bunkrooms metal table which served as a kitchenette, dining table, study desk and just about anything else they needed a stand for. Right now it was a somewhere-to-put-the-kettle table as neither he nor Rimmer could be arsed to go out to one of the vending machines.  
"So, since you switched me on I can only assume you want a nice hot cuppa to keep you going on your trek through deep space~?" The kettle asked in its sing-song voice.

"Oh do tell that thing to shut the smeg up." called Rimmer from his bunk, who was considering the distance he'd have to throw the Zero G football book which Lister had left on the floor in order to hit the kettle, ideally silencing it and spilling an ample amount of boiling hot water on Lister whilst he was at it.  
Lister ignored him and kept an eye on the blue light, which was beginning to flash.  
Rimmer, who didn't particularly like being ignored, leapt off of the bunk and marched purposefully over to the table where Lister was still engrossed in the light.  
"God, it doesn't take much to entertain you, does it? Tell you what, I'll get you a laser pointer for your next birthday. It'll keep you and that wretched moggy busy for hours."  
The kettle, rising to the occasion to cut Rimmer off mid speech clicked and the light blinked out, freeing Lister from his flashing-thing based stupor.

"There we go~oo! All done. You enjoy now!" It chimed.  
"Brutal!" Lister straightened up and started pouring into the two cups, watching as the teabags floated to the surface, staining the water a slightly unpleasant brown. Once the tea was sufficiently tea-like, he yanked out the bags and threw them somewhere in the bunkroom. In a well practised motion, he added milk and sugar. One sugar for Rimmer, about three (and a half, maybe four.) for himself.  
All the while, Rimmer was doing a bizarre charade of waggling an imaginary laser pointer about and simultaneously chasing after it. It didn't convey the idea whatsoever.  
"Rimmer, stop flailing, tea's ready."  
"I am not flailing, I'll thank you very much. I was in the middle of a theatrical performance which you rudely interrupted." Nonetheless, Rimmer took the cup and stared into the biscuit coloured murk.  
"Was it meant to be gripping in some way? I wasn't particularly gripped. Wasn't getting anything from it, actually." Lister observed, taking up his own cup and taking a swig. Some of the drink missed his mouth entirely and dribbled down his face. A quick swipe with his sleeve sorted that out, though. Rimmer frowned in distaste but he was already in the throes of one tangent and didn't want to cut himself short to start another on Lister's personal habits just yet.  
"Maybe you weren't gripped because you weren't paying attention, Listy!"  
"Yeah, yeah, alright. Next time you decide to put a performance on, let us know." Apparently, that was a satisfactory answer and Rimmer walked off to sit at the table with Lister following suite.  
Technically, Rimmer didn't need to drink, so him consuming anything was a waste of supplies. But nobody could deny the all purpose mental cure that tea could be.

Your great aunt Florence just died? Have a cuppa.  
Ah, you appear to have slipped and broken your spine in several places? Have a cuppa.

You're going to be paralyzed from the waist down for the rest of your life? have a cuppa.

...Ah, a Cadmium 2 radiation leak killed you and now you're a hologram? Have a computer simulated cuppa.

  
Oh, you're trapped in deep space with a collection of complete gits and a senile AI? have a cuppa.

  
Any crisis situation could be resolved with tea. And Rimmer being Rimmer and getting into more than his fair share of personal crises could be a 40 a day man.  
He took an experimental sip of the tea and scrunched up his face. "Horrible."  
"I didn't think it was that bad." Lister said, tapping his fingers against the styrofoam. "Tastes like tea ought to" He pointed out.  
"No no not the tea you gimboid, the cups!" Rimmer exclaimed, raising his cup up trying to prove his point. "They're all horrible and scratchy." He placed the offending item down to free his hands enough to ring them out, trying to rid his fingers of the unsavoury texture the cup had dared to make him experience. He finished the 'smegging hell get this texture off of my hands' display by frantically rubbing said hands on his tunic.  
Lister kicked his feet up on the table, pushing a couple of stray magazines onto the floor in the process. "S'just a cup. I dunno what you're complaining about."  
Rimmer held his hands in the air, apparently unsure what to do with them. Thankfully, Lister gave at least one of them some purpose and Rimmer stuck an accusatory finger at the cups. "They're cheap and terrible. I know you only have one working taste bud, but I'm sure even you've noticed that it's uncomfortable on the mouth."  
"It's doable, not the best but doable." Lister took another gulp of tea, finishing off the drink and jumped up out of the chair. Still holing the cup he squinted at a bin in the far corner of the bunkroom, took aim and..  
Missed spectacularly.  
Rimmer watched with mild interest as the cup bounced off of the wall and onto the floor. "Nice shot. You're cleaning that up, Listy."  
Lister ignored the last comment, stretching his arms above his head to the accompaniment of a series of cracks and pops.  
"If it bothers you that much, I've probably got a mug lying about here somewhere."  
"I don't want anything you've put your mouth on."  
"'Could always head down to the shopping centre deck? There's a ton of shops there and it's not like anyone's using any of the stuff, right?"  
Rimmer mulled that over, tilting his head to the side and looking up at the ceiling. "..I suppose... I couldn't get in trouble for that, could I?" he asked.  
Aside from the whole "killing the entire crew" detail, Rimmer really didn't break any rules if he could help it. He didn't want to face any of the repercussions for it, stealing from the Red Dwarf shopping centre seemed like the kind of thing he might be fired for, but there wasn't anyone around to fire him. So.. maybe he could dip his toe into a new life of crime. For the sake of some better mugs.  
"Who cares? It's not like anyone's here to smeg you over for it. C'mon, I could use the walk."  
Lister said, picking up his jacket off of the back of the seat and slinging it over his shoulder. Without waiting for a response he sauntered out of the bunkroom and into the corridor, knowing that Rimmer would trail after him after he'd decided that going shopping had been his idea in the first place.  
"You read my mind!" Rimmer called after him, and right on cue, he jogged after Lister. "Glad I thought of it. What would you do without me?"  
Lister just laughed and let Rimmer have his moment.

**Author's Note:**

> I'll get used to this whole writing thing eventually.


End file.
